I had promised to share this if we hit our $10,000.00 goal.
Wednesday 3 May was a beautiful day for a hike. CA and I started on the Oxford Canal and then took a few side-trips around some villages and across the gorgeous English countryside. As with any endeavour of this scope, even the best-laid plans sometimes go awry…or out-right wrong.
We were working our way back towards the canal to head back home. Earlier in the day I had made a few minor navigation errors, but nothing as much fun as the third one.
The first one was almost not worth mentioning since it did take us right past a proper pub. This allowed us to rehydrate and recaffeinate….really…coffee and Coke.
The second one actually turned to be an unplanned short-cut through an industrial estate. But getting out was made easy by a gate, and the driveway lead us right back onto our designated path.
It does seem fair to mention we did have a wonderful map app at our disposal. Obviously there was a problem with the human interface connection.
So, even with the aforementioned great map app I managed to miss getting on our trail…not by much. As we were walking in the right direction it soon became apparent (on the great map app) our trail was about 30 feet (or 10 meters) to our right. We were walking parallel to it. No big deal…right?
When this came to knowledge would have been the best time to simply turn around and get on the proper trail…because between us and the proper trail (mentioned a bit earlier) was the Hedgerow from Hell.
For those of you unfamiliar with English Hedgerows, a bit of education could be helpful at this moment.
British Hederows are the world’s nastiest all-natural barricade. A series of closely-planted trees form an almost impenetrable wall. So tightly do the branches interweave, so close and gnarly are the trees within…these things have been known to stop tanks! Special attachments had to be mounted on the front of Sherman tanks to allow the victory over these flora of steadfastness.
So, faced with going back…which we (OK, me) decided against…or going around…no opportunity presented itself…we decided to do what an unmodified Sherman tank could not… we went through(ish).
I found a gap. Not a very wide gap, but a gap nonetheless. Good start. Then it became obvious this hedgerow was a hybrid. In addition to its God-given strength and relentless capability to cause minor damage to humans, this one had a row of barbed wire running through it.
Using our superior intellects, we decided we were smarter than an armored hedgerow and came up with a cunning plan. (Honesty moment…I came up with the plan. CA was the victim here.)
I deduced if one removed their backpack, slip their trekking poles through the straps, and carefully slid the pack under the barbed wire, one could crawl beneath the row of nasty metal teeth. So far so good.
I crawled though,obtaining a few minor lacerations and found the next challenge…there was a drainage ditch on the other side of the hedgerow…easily 20-30 feet (or centimers deep) filled with a ravaging flow of stagnant mucky stuff. No worries. Using the trekking pole/backpack move, I could safely place my pack on the other side of this yawning chasm. I have to admit it’s getting better(ish).
Now all that was left was to find a way to get me to the other side. It looked fairly straightforward..I could gather all my strength and make a mighty leap! As we would say here…nema problema…until…I saw the other side was a bed of nettles.
Nettles…the bane of anything walking on two feet. Nettles … the reason I never wear short trousers while hiking. Nettles, must be some genetic experiment gone wrong, for no loving God would have cursed mankind with such a vile plant (full details here if you think I am exaggerating: (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Urtica_dioica ). So, steeling my nerves, screwing my courage to the sticking place (Macbeth Act One: Scene Seven) imagining myself as Indiana Jones (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sBBbq2g7yf8 )
I jumped.
Never has a leap seemed so frozen in time. It seemed to last forever. I heard naught but a small breeze passing by my ears. I felt nothing but the pull of gravity dooming me to land in the nettles.
Fortunately I have wide feet…as in 10.5 EEEE (US sizing). This natural attribute of my physical form came to my rescue as my New Balance Gore-Tex lined hiking boots quickly crushed the attacking nettles before they could do their worst.
Oh yeah…CA Foehser followed me, but I made it easy for him by blazing the trail.
CA might have a different version.